Day 25

Well, it has been almost a month, and I can't wait to have my first birthday later this week. Last week as really busy at work and I played alot of volleyball and I took advantage of the nice weather and did a little bit of golfing. Then this weekend my girlfriend came over and we just hung out and watched movies and the NBA playoffs. So, needless to say, that is why I haven't posted in a week. But here I am and I am happy to report that I am still sober, and the most interesting thing is I still haven't had a cigarette yet either. I think I have finally broken that habit as well. In fact, I work with a smoker and when he comes in from his smoke breaks, the smell is horrible. And then I realize that I used to smell the same way, and now I understand how all the other non-smokers feel about it. It really does amaze me how easy it has been to quit, without a drink in my hand it just isn't the same. And I now realize that alcohol wasn't just destroying my life, but with the combination of smoking and the drinking it was destroying my body as well. And the fact that I work in the medical field and I have been turning a blind eye to my own health is just a testament to the power that this disease has had over me all these years. In fact, this really hit home yesterday, because a guy that I work with had a heart attack.

First of all this guy is a couple of years younger than me, and he is Mormon so he has never had a drink or a smoke in his entire life. Now granted, he isn't in the best shape, but neither am I and I have been smoking and drinking for over ten years. So if he could have a heart attack, what are the chances of me having one? Pretty high I bet. Just another reason that I am happy that this whole situation has happened to me, hopefully by me quitting I have added a bunch of years to my life. Now lets just hope that I do something meaningful with what I have left.

I was watching a movie this weekend and there was a funeral scene and there were all these people saying things and reminiscing about the person that passed and you could tell that the person was a really great individual and he had left a great legacy behind. And as I was watching it, I remembered other movies where the person died and there was only one person there, or none at all. And I began to wonder, if I were to die today, which funeral would mine look like? I know that it is a bit morbid, but when I did an honest inventory of my life, I really think that my funeral would more resemble the second one I described. I mean I know that my immediate family would be there and possibly my two best friends, but probably no one else. And I thought that that is not the legacy that I want to leave behind. I would like to be remembered. And now that I have finally lifted out of the fog of Alcoholism I am determined to make something of myself and hopefully I will be a positive influence on other people. Even if it is only one person. I just want my life to mean something. And with the help of others, be they from AA or family or all of you reading this, hopefully I can attain some of the dreams and aspirations that I have for myself, and not descend back into the fog. Because I know that it is a road best not travelled alone because eventually I will need someone to help out with the driving.

Well, I need to get back to work now. I hope all of you had a great sober weekend. Take care.