Day 18

Well two weeks has come and gone, I can't wait to see one month. I had company all weekend so I didn't get a chance to post at all, but here I am. It was a nice relaxing weekend, my girlfriend came out and we just hung out and watched a bunch of movies. Although I did go to my second meeting on Friday, and except for two guys, it was a completely different group of people. There were a few birthdays, two had their 6 month and one had their 18 month birthday, which was good to see. But I do have one thing to say. Are all AA meetings so depressing? I mean I understand that everybody has gone through trials and tribulations in order to reach a place to go to AA, but I would like to hear some stories of triumph, you know, some uplifting stories. Maybe I am out of line, but hopefully I will hear something that gives me hope the next time I go. I have been reading the Big Book, and so far it is a very interesting read, I hope to gain as much as I can from it.

I still haven't gotten any word as to when I am going to be officially punished for my DUI, I am hoping it will be this week so I can just get it over with. The most they can give me is 45 days of extra duty, so the sooner the better, because I was planning on visiting my family for the 4th of July. Which brings me to another point, all these past years of partying and drinking, I have always wanted to move to San Diego. I have always said that because of the weather and the fact that it is a beautiful place to live, both of which are true, but the real reason is because my two best friends live there and it would be so much fun to be able to party with them all the time. However, now my priorities have changed. I am sick of always moving and always being so far away from family. I hate the fact that I am not able to watch my little 10 year old sister grow up. I want to be able to meet up with my other sister for dinner on a moments notice. I hate spending holidays by myself. It is amazing how I was more interested in spending time drinking with friends then being with my family, how alcohol made me totally lose sight of everything that truly matters in my life. No More!

I know that my father will not be happy that I want to get out of the military when my commitment is up, but I think he will understand. Even though I have screwed up because of my drinking, it doesn't change the fact that I still served my country and I am a good soldier. I think anybody that I have served with would agree with me. The Army has taught me a great many things; discipline, how to be on time, respect, physical fitness, and many other things, however they didn't teach me how to deal with this demon of alcoholism. Don't get me wrong, the military preaches against the dangers of alcohol, but it is still part of the lifestyle among the soldiers. It is very much a way of life. In fact my NCO even invited me over to his house on Friday for poker night, knowing that I just had a DUI, and when I said no because they were going to be drinking and smoking, he didn't understand why I couldn't go and just not partake. So I tried to explain to him that just by being around it is too much of a temptation for me right now. Hopefully one day I will be able to be around alcohol and it not be an issue, but it is just too soon for me now. And so, if I were to stay in, everyplace that I move to in the future I will have to deal with that. But if I am living near my family I will have a solid support group by my side. On the other hand, the military offers a stable paycheck and numerous benefits, which will be hard to give up, but it is time that I grow up and stand on my own two feet. Well, I think that I have ranted enough, I hope everybody out there had a great sober weekend. Take care.