Friday, June 6, 2008
Day 50
Well its the big 5-0. I am looking forward to 60. It should go by pretty fast, because I am going to be on the go for the next 42 days. That is how many days of extra duty I have left. I am on lunch so I have to make this brief. My new Sergent is in charge of my extra duty, and let me tell you, he may have saved my ass with the Colonel, as I said in my previous post, but it hasn't come without it's price. He is going to keep me busy. Today I had to pick up trash around post and this afternoon I am cleaning out the bookshelves at the library. At least its inside. I will gladly do anything this man asks of me. He even told me something else this morning that just reinforced the fact that this man was an answer to prayer. He told me that he went to talk with the post Sergent Major, the same one that treated me like crap and really wanted to kick me out of the Army, and he reiterated his opinion to my Sergent. He even told him that he was going to call my Command Sergent Major and try to talk him into putting in the paperwork to get me out. He really has it out for me. But my Sergent said that he would talk to him and tell him that he would put in his retirement papers or ask for reassignment if that were to happen. Basically he is willing to put his career on the line to protect me. And he told me that I don't have anything to fear from him. You couldn't ask for a better Sergent. And as far as the Post Sergent Major is concerned I have decided to make it my mission to do everything I can to change his opinion of me, and for him to see that I do deserve to remain in the Army. I can't guarantee that I will be successful. All I can do is try. Well back to work. I hope you all have a happy sober day. Take Care.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Day 49
I know it has been almost a week since I last posted and quite a bit has happened. I went to Ft Carson on Monday, because that is the hospital that my clinic is attached to, to receive my punishment. I was told that I was going to arrive on Monday and then Tuesday I would see the Colonel and then head home on Wed. So, I arrived on Monday night and got put up in a room and told to meet with my company commander at 8 the next morning. The next morning I actually met with my First Sergent, and he read what I was accused of and then told me I had to head over to JAG later that day. After going to JAG, where they make you watch a video informing you of your rights, I was released for the day and told that I would meet with the Colonel on Wed instead of Tuesday. Yet another night of very little sleep stressing out about what was going to happen.
On a side note, when I went to JAG there were about 30 other soldiers there to see the same video. It is just funny how many other people were in trouble just like me. And it may sound messed up to say this, but I was oddly comforted by it. The only way I can describe how I felt is to compare it to the way I felt the first time I walked into an AA meeting. What I mean is, that I felt like I wasn't alone. Even though it sucks to have to be there it is comforting to know that there are others that are in a similar situation. That even though we were not there for the same offences, we were facing the same consequences, going through the same trials and tribulations. And even though I didn't talk to any of them I felt comfortable around them. Weird, I know. And let me clarify one thing, I am not saying that going to AA meetings suck, far from it, but I know I think and probably alot of other alcoholics think, that given a choice it would be great to have never had to step foot into an AA meeting. That we could drink like normal people. That there was nothing wrong with us. Anyway, back to what happened.
After a long sleepless night, I went to see the Colonel. Now in an Article 15 hearing your Commander is your judge, jury and executioner. So you are leaving everything up to them, unless you demand trial by court-martial, where if found guilty you are subject to harsher punishment and it will go on your permanent federal record as being convicted of a crime. Where as, if you just do a Article 15, you are technically never convicted of a crime. Which is why it is called Non-Judicial punishment. So in my case where I was obviously guilty, there is no point in demanding trial by court-martial. However, when you go to see your commander one of the rights you do have is to have people speak on your behalf, kind of like character witnesses. These people are usually from your chain of command, people you work with, people who will tell your commander what kind of a person you are. I was not given this option. The reason for this was because the Army didn't want to pay to fly any of them out to Carson, even though it is my right to have them there. Needless to say this was a major concern of mine.
I get to the Colonel's office at 830am, but she is running late so I am told to wait. While I 'm waiting a Sergent First Class comes up to me and introduces himself. Turns out he is going to be my new boss, and he just happened to be there inprocessing into the unit. He then tells me that he had heard of my situation and that he had talked to a few people and that everything he had heard was positive. He also wanted to assure me that he would not judge me according to my current situation and that he will treat me with respect unless I do something to make him lose it. You have no I idea how it felt to hear him say those words. You see, I knew that he was due to arrive sometime in the near future and I was really nervous how he would treat me. Because everyone knows that first impressions mean everything. Anyway I digress. So, after we speak for a few minutes I tell him about my concerns about not having anyone to speak for me and he said that since he was there, he would. I had just prayed earlier that morning, and I was beginning to think that maybe this man was the answer to that prayer.
After waiting awhile I was finally brought into the Colonel's office. Talk about walking into an intimidating room. There was the Colonel sitting behind her desk, a Lieutenant Colonel standing behind her, a Command Sergent Major to my right, two Captains and my First Sergent behind me, and my Sergent First Class to my left. I was surrounded by about 150 years of military service. I was nervous and just wanted it over with. The Colonel then read the charges and asked if there was any evidence I would like to present, so I gave her a letter that my sponsor had written about my progress in AA, and then I proceeded to tell her about everything that I have been doing and basically begged for mercy and another chance to fulfill my commitment to the Army with honor. Because kicking me out was definitely on the table. Then she asked my Sergent if there was anything he would like to say. And he proceeded to say how he had just met me 45 minutes prior, but that he had heard good things about me, and even though he does not condone my actions, he thinks that it would even be worse for the Army to just kick me out and have done with me. He went on to say that he viewed me as a fallen soldier in need of help and that it was up to them to help me, not abandon me. When he was finished, the Colonel turned to me and said "You have no idea what he just did for you.". It was then that I lost control of my emotions, and tears started to stream down my face, because when the Colonel said those words, I knew exactly what he had done for me. It was also the first time that I believe I actually saw the answer to prayer. So let me just say that I am still a soldier. But that doesn't mean I got off scott free.
I was demoted and I was given 45 days of extra duty, but they didn't take any money. Now that doesn't mean I am not losing money, because I was demoted that also means a cut in pay, but I will get my rank back in a few months and money is just money. I will do my extra duty happily knowing that I am still a soldier and I will finish my commitment and get out with honor in a couple of years, and then I will begin my new life and go back to school and work toward my masters and hopefully one day a PhD. Who knows? All I know is that it is true what they say that this to shall pass. And now I will continue to take it one day at a time. I will have one eye on the past so that I will never forget, and one eye on the future so that I can see my goals and work toward them. But never both eyes on the past because I would be consumed by it, and never both eyes on the future because then I might forget the past and become complacent and repeat my past mistakes. One back. One forward.
I hope you all have a happy and sober day. Take Care.
On a side note, when I went to JAG there were about 30 other soldiers there to see the same video. It is just funny how many other people were in trouble just like me. And it may sound messed up to say this, but I was oddly comforted by it. The only way I can describe how I felt is to compare it to the way I felt the first time I walked into an AA meeting. What I mean is, that I felt like I wasn't alone. Even though it sucks to have to be there it is comforting to know that there are others that are in a similar situation. That even though we were not there for the same offences, we were facing the same consequences, going through the same trials and tribulations. And even though I didn't talk to any of them I felt comfortable around them. Weird, I know. And let me clarify one thing, I am not saying that going to AA meetings suck, far from it, but I know I think and probably alot of other alcoholics think, that given a choice it would be great to have never had to step foot into an AA meeting. That we could drink like normal people. That there was nothing wrong with us. Anyway, back to what happened.
After a long sleepless night, I went to see the Colonel. Now in an Article 15 hearing your Commander is your judge, jury and executioner. So you are leaving everything up to them, unless you demand trial by court-martial, where if found guilty you are subject to harsher punishment and it will go on your permanent federal record as being convicted of a crime. Where as, if you just do a Article 15, you are technically never convicted of a crime. Which is why it is called Non-Judicial punishment. So in my case where I was obviously guilty, there is no point in demanding trial by court-martial. However, when you go to see your commander one of the rights you do have is to have people speak on your behalf, kind of like character witnesses. These people are usually from your chain of command, people you work with, people who will tell your commander what kind of a person you are. I was not given this option. The reason for this was because the Army didn't want to pay to fly any of them out to Carson, even though it is my right to have them there. Needless to say this was a major concern of mine.
I get to the Colonel's office at 830am, but she is running late so I am told to wait. While I 'm waiting a Sergent First Class comes up to me and introduces himself. Turns out he is going to be my new boss, and he just happened to be there inprocessing into the unit. He then tells me that he had heard of my situation and that he had talked to a few people and that everything he had heard was positive. He also wanted to assure me that he would not judge me according to my current situation and that he will treat me with respect unless I do something to make him lose it. You have no I idea how it felt to hear him say those words. You see, I knew that he was due to arrive sometime in the near future and I was really nervous how he would treat me. Because everyone knows that first impressions mean everything. Anyway I digress. So, after we speak for a few minutes I tell him about my concerns about not having anyone to speak for me and he said that since he was there, he would. I had just prayed earlier that morning, and I was beginning to think that maybe this man was the answer to that prayer.
After waiting awhile I was finally brought into the Colonel's office. Talk about walking into an intimidating room. There was the Colonel sitting behind her desk, a Lieutenant Colonel standing behind her, a Command Sergent Major to my right, two Captains and my First Sergent behind me, and my Sergent First Class to my left. I was surrounded by about 150 years of military service. I was nervous and just wanted it over with. The Colonel then read the charges and asked if there was any evidence I would like to present, so I gave her a letter that my sponsor had written about my progress in AA, and then I proceeded to tell her about everything that I have been doing and basically begged for mercy and another chance to fulfill my commitment to the Army with honor. Because kicking me out was definitely on the table. Then she asked my Sergent if there was anything he would like to say. And he proceeded to say how he had just met me 45 minutes prior, but that he had heard good things about me, and even though he does not condone my actions, he thinks that it would even be worse for the Army to just kick me out and have done with me. He went on to say that he viewed me as a fallen soldier in need of help and that it was up to them to help me, not abandon me. When he was finished, the Colonel turned to me and said "You have no idea what he just did for you.". It was then that I lost control of my emotions, and tears started to stream down my face, because when the Colonel said those words, I knew exactly what he had done for me. It was also the first time that I believe I actually saw the answer to prayer. So let me just say that I am still a soldier. But that doesn't mean I got off scott free.
I was demoted and I was given 45 days of extra duty, but they didn't take any money. Now that doesn't mean I am not losing money, because I was demoted that also means a cut in pay, but I will get my rank back in a few months and money is just money. I will do my extra duty happily knowing that I am still a soldier and I will finish my commitment and get out with honor in a couple of years, and then I will begin my new life and go back to school and work toward my masters and hopefully one day a PhD. Who knows? All I know is that it is true what they say that this to shall pass. And now I will continue to take it one day at a time. I will have one eye on the past so that I will never forget, and one eye on the future so that I can see my goals and work toward them. But never both eyes on the past because I would be consumed by it, and never both eyes on the future because then I might forget the past and become complacent and repeat my past mistakes. One back. One forward.
I hope you all have a happy and sober day. Take Care.
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