Day 40

Day 40!! I can't believe it. This is officially the longest I have gone without drinking since basic training. And when I reach 3 months, I will have gone the longest without a drink since my heavy drinking career began back in college. And I feel great.

Yesterday I was coming back to base, and since I am no longer allowed to drive on base anymore, I had arranged to have my NCO, or boss to you civilians out there, to pick me up at the gate and drive my car back to my apartment. Well, one little problem, he didn't answer his phone. So I am parked outside the gate calling everybody I work with to see if they could help me out. Finally I found someone and I got home without incident. This all happened around 6pm, then around 10pm my NCO finally called back to apologize and see if I had gotten home alright. I told him I had and asked what had happened, he said that he had gotten so drunk the night before that he hadn't gone to sleep till 8am, and that he was completely passed out and hungover when I had called. Oh how I miss those days of feeling like shit and completely shirking my obligations and letting people down when they needed my help, all because I felt like getting f***ed up. I wasn't mad or anything, it just got me thinking about how that used to be me. But other than that my weekend was great.

I went out to Salt Lake on Thursday after work and went to a 7pm meeting. My sponsor couldn't make it so I just went by my lonesome. Funny thing was I accidentally went into the wrong meeting. It turned out to be a meeting about the 12 steps. I'm sure that it has an official name but I am still learning the terminology, so please forgive my ignorance, but it was focusing on the 11th step and I decided to stay and see what it was all about. It turned out to be pretty cool, now I just went over the 1st step with my sponsor, so I didn't know what the 11th was all about. Anyway, we all took turns reading from a book that I hadn't seen before about the 12 steps and then talked about it afterward. Or I guess I should say that they talked and I listened, but all in all it was an interesting and informative lesson. Then after the meeting I went over to my girlfriend's house and just hung out. Then on Friday we went to see the new Indiana Jones flick. It was pretty good, but definitely not as good as the first three. After the movie we met up with her friends and decided to give camping a shot, even though the weather looked iffy.

Now I feel like I need to say something here. I have been making a conscience effort to change the way that I act recently. I am trying to change everything that I perceive to be negative about me, a personality makeover if you will. In the past I was a very selfish individual, I think that is an aspect that most alcoholics share, and I am trying very hard to think about everybody else's feelings before my own.

I remember one time about 7 years ago when I went to Disneyland with my family. This was the first time that my little sister, who was 4 at the time, had ever gone. Now I had been there many times before and me and long lines don't mix, so I proceeded to be a complete a-hole and complain about everything and basically ruin the entire day because of my selfishness. So, when it came to camping this weekend, a trip that I really didn't want to go on, for one; because of the weather, and for two; because the other people there were going to be drinking, I just kept my mouth shut put a smile on my face and went. And you know what? The weather was beautiful, if a little cold, and the drinking wasn't an issue and I ended up having a good time. Crazy isn't it?

Another thing I have been trying to change is my pessimistic attitude that I have always had. I always look for and expect the worst to happen and I think that I have made myself and the people around me miserable as a result. This came into play this weekend too.

My girlfriend invited me over to her older sister's house to watch National Treasure 2, with her husband and 2 kids and her parents. And of course, I thought that it was going to suck and be boring, but I kept my mouth shut and went anyway. And guess what? Yep, I had a great time. We watched the movie and then my girlfriend's younger nephews took out their Nintendo Wii. I am not into video games at all, but I have never played the Wii, so I gave it a shot. And let me tell you, now I understand why it is so popular, the Wii is alot of fun. So all in all, I had a great weekend, and I didn't have one drink. Although the true test of my sobriety will be my girlfriend's birthday party next sat. There is going to be alot of drinking going on, and my girlfriend who doesn't normally drink will be that night. So wish me luck. I hope all of you had a great sober weekend as well. And thanks for the comments and the heads up about MICKY. I hope I never hear from him again. And I hope, that even though he may hate AA, that he is sober as well. Take Care.