Day Seven

So, another day has past. It is amazing how I used to think that I needed a drink just to help me go to sleep. Now, around 10 I can hardly keep my eyes open, so I turn off the TV and get into bed and read my book and about 15 minutes later I am drifting off. And then the dreams!! I can't remember having such vivid dreams. It's great. Another interesting thing was I tried a cigarette yesterday, and it was disgusting. It's funny but without a drink in my hand the smoking has lost all its appeal.

Anyway, I am still waiting for word as to what my fate will be, as far as the Army is concerned. The waiting is the worst. I know that a career is probably out of the question for me, which is fine because I have never lived in one place for more than a few years my entire life, and I am ready to settle down. The only thing I hope for is that I am able to tell the Colonel about this new life that I have discovered and the fact that I have finally come to terms with my drinking problem, before she makes a decision. And hopefully, she will let me finish out my obligation with honor, and let me use the resources that the military has to help people like me. I can only hope. The military is all I have ever known, unfortunately it is not the same as when I was growing up, and the things that I have seen has caused me to lose faith. I can only hope that through this ordeal and the big shit sandwich that I am going to have to eat, that some of that faith can be restored. And that the Army can take care of, instead of abandon, one of its own. Anyway, no sense languishing over something that I cannot control.

Well, tomorrow I am going to my first AA meeting. I am excited and scared. I have a hard time opening up to people that I know, so having to talk to people about my most personal issues kind of scares the crap out of me. And then it is off to spend the weekend with a girl that I am dating. She really cares about me, and I am really beginning to care about her, but I don't know how she will react to what has happened to me, and I don't know how to tell her. She isn't a big drinker, which helps, and I told her that I was going to stop drinking for a while, but I didn't tell her why or that I planned on not drinking for the rest of my life. So, I guess I just need to grow a pair and tell her, and whatever happens happens. Anyway, I didn't continue about my story yesterday so I guess I will get back to it today. If you are reading this I just want you to know that I am recounting my life story, not for entertainment, but because I think that I have left so many memories buried and it is time for me to face them and put them out there in all their glory for everybody to see. And that maybe that will help me come to terms with who I truly am.

Anyway, I left off in Hawaii, when I started smoking. I was in the 7th grade and after school, me and a kid from the neighborhood would go out skating. Well my friend's father smoked so sometimes we would steal some smokes. I didn't really enjoy it, nor did I do it that often, but I think that it sowed the seeds to my future addiction. During this time I also really got into to surfing and volleyball, but especially volleyball, which is extremely popular in Hawaii. Not to mention the fact that it is probably the one sport that I truly excelled at. Also, during this time my mother really wanted to foster a child. I don't think that my Dad really wanted to but he went along with it. So, my brother Steven, who is pretty much full-blooded Hawaiian moved in. He was only 8 years old, and had bounced around from home to home until he made it to ours. His real parents were junkies who made him and his 7 brothers and sisters live literally on the beach, until they were taken away from them. Me and Steven got along great, he was a natural athlete, and fearless. So, skating came real natural to him, along with just about every sport he played. Things were going so well that my Mom thought it would be a good idea to have Steven's real sister move in as well, Christina. Her and my real sister hit it off as well. Me and my real sister, Crystal, didn't really get along that well when we were young, so to have someone else of the same gender to play with was great. It was soon thereafter, when we were getting ready to move again, that my parents decided to adopt Steven and Christina. So after the adoption, we were off to Italy. Sounds kind of like a great childhood so far right? Yea well, I haven't gotten to the bad parts yet, which I will leave for another time. But just a little foreshadowing here, Italy doesn't really have a drinking age.